a-hahahahaha, I steal meme!

Stolen from Wol and Ias and various other people :D

Antonia, my DUTT character:

( Antonia )

And Gaelle, because she asked nicely...

( Gaelle )

Tags: antonia, dutt, gaelle, larp, maelstrom, meme

"Eat drink and be merry - for tomorrow we... diet?"

Day one of diet today, went fine.
Missing cola and the associated caffine. Might have to invest in some diet drink to prop me up.

I'm always astonished at how much more aware of the smell of food I am when on a diet. On any given normal day I'd never smell crisps/sweets/bread/sandwiches, but when on a diet I can smell them from across the room. It's strange.

My big fear at present is gaming sessions. It was hard enough when I gave up take-out for lent and had to sullenly stuff myself with non take-out during games while everyone else had chinese and pizza, but I imagine game sessions where I can't have any sort of greasy nerd-food will be really hard.

I apologise now if I'm snappy at people while gaming :D

Today I didn't have many spoons, and wasted some of said spoons on getting up early and forgetting there are two six o'clocks in the day and having a total panic attack that I'd slept through the day and ohgod.

So, with what few spoons I had drastically reduced, my day has been one of quiet anger. I have no idea why I was unable to be my usual patient, helpful self today, but I couldn't.

Drive, smoke, bed.

...also, stop sneezing.

So, yesterday (I think, my sleepcycle is so out of wack that I've lost track of the days) I stayed up all night then went to mayday. I then came home and slept 11am, till about 9pm. So, then I got up and I've been up since then, it's now nearly 6am Saturday. I should be going on the adventure, but I might end up just sleeping and then having a shower and gaming. 

MayDay was awesome fun by the way, food and singing and sunrise, what more could you want? :D

Sunday I'm off to Warwick for Player event, I suppose I should tell soemone in my group IC that I'm going, just so they can stress out at me :D It should be a laugh.

Oh yeah, I also have new nail varnish - dayglow orange, a very pale sparkly green/blue, and a white. they're pretty cool.

Oh yeah, and must upload pictures to facebook from mayday.

Today has been a day of crushing futility.

I spent all day trying to fix my PC. I started by googling for the drivers for my soundcard. The entire first page of hits were people saying "Ohh, it's so hard to find the drivers for this" I found many possible drivers, none of them are the right drivers. Some of them might be the right drivers, but they are corrupted files. arse.

Fast forward about five hours and I'm about ready to either cry, or smash my computer into tiny, edible chunks. I give up.

I go to Vampire LARP.

You can't hit anything.
There's lots of stuff written into the background to encourage conflict, but it vanishes the minute everyone goes IC.
I say IC. It's that mish-mash of IC/OC where everyone thinks it's ok the comment OC on things they're saying IC... or indeed, what other people are saying IC by butting into their conversations to say it.

I can understand that sort of laid-back style of LARP where it's not entirely serious or IC, but I'm not sure it's for me. It's a bit jarring to be dropped OC by constant comments.

I'd be interested to see if I can get myself involved in more plot, I think I'll go back. Partly because I want to see what the plot is like when you're not scratching round the edges and partly to see how the inter-personal roleplay works out (as one of the few attractive, apparently not psycho women in the room I had at least one man interested!) Which in itself is interesting - vampires don't really do love...
Hmmm, it has my interest a bit. I'll probably go back.

Also, just as a sidenote - Donner Kebab flavour pot noodle. That's gotta taste of AIDS.  The Bad AIDS.

Countdown to Maelstrom!

So, I have many things still to make :S
The list:

*Finish Jacket
*Trousers to go with jacket
*Green evening gown
*Red day outfit: Coat, Skirt
*Wedding dress for another player

It's a lot to do in six days, but I reckon I can manage. The Jacket is done as of this evening, and the green gown in getting there - underskirt is made, lining for the bodice is cut out and the boning tape is sewn in place, just need to cut out the silk for the bodice and overskirt and sew it all together, and attach ribbon.

Then on with everything else :S

I shall try to update here to keep myself enthused and also as a break from sewing!

Tags: costume, maelstrom

Well, as some of you might know, and some of you won't, I have not had a great week.

It started several weeks ago when I cracked my rib. Don't ask, I was being manly (read: Silly)

Anyway, knowing doctors basically do sod all for cracked ribs, I just sucked it down and took painkillers. I figured strong ones were ok since it hurt a lot.

Well, as it turns out, Codiene is addictive.

Yeah, I did already know this, but it's not something you think about much when you're in pain.

Luckily (I guess) I recognise the onset of addiction, and spotted it. Just... those random pains and headaches that crop up if you've forgotten to take the pills. the dulling of the pain, but not removal... ramping the dose to get the same effect... 

As I said, I spotted it, and have stopped taking them. It's hell, just so you know.

I feel sick and dizzy, itchy, anxious. But mostly, it's painful. Paracetamol does nothing, it doesn't even take the edge off. Alcohol just makes me feel sick and cigarettes just remind me of what I'm not taking.

I'm doing ok though, better than I was. Today it's not so bad, and as ever I can distract myself with people. Well, when I can bring myself to leave the house I can. the only thing more scary than being stuck in on my own is going out. Thanks SAD, I love you.

It's not often I feel scared or small, or fragile. It's not often I hesitate before doing things. It's not often.

Today I felt faint and nearly cracked my head open on a chest of drawers, but managed to catch myself. I'm scared now because I have to go out to a meeting and have to shower before I go. I should be ok, logically I know I'm not feeling dizzy or sick right now... but what if it comes back?

Long story short - it's getting better already. I'm doing better already.

It's still scary though.

Sometimes, just sometimes.... I find myself re-assessing how I feel about someone.

I have a friend, someone I used to count as a good friend. Someone similar to me, someone practical, smart, a bib dodgy round th edges... but then you slowly realise they're not what you thought they were.

No lies per-say. Just half-truths.

I find myself setting my face to impassive, my comments are bland and inoffensive. I know what I'm doing; I'm not giving him anything.

I know why, but I'm not going to give details because too many of my F-list are involved in this one. It's not for the reasons everyone thinks, it's for other things. Less palateable things.

I'm wearing my armour, I'm not showing my real side.

I don't trust him anymore. I don't want to give him anything.


I'm sad that this has happened.

An update, beacuse I haven't in a while.

( What have you done today to make you feel proud? )

I hate SAD.

( In which I bitch about my war with the self )

Tags: lolemo, sad
Current Mood: depressed